You read “D134F6″ on the license plate in front of you. After a while the numbers and letters seem to mesh together and you snap out of it. You have not moved one inch. You look to the shoulder of the road and expect to see a decrepit old man snailing past you on his walker like that scene from Office Space. Without caring if your windows are down or not you scream loudly, “WHO THE $#$% IS HOLDING UP TRAFFIC!?” Well, chances are it’s a traffic jam and if it isn’t a result of construction then it probably is a result of an accident caused by one of the following dangerous and ill-advised driving habits that seem to plague drivers everywhere.

1. The ‘Can’t Wait To Get Home To Pig Out’ Driver

We all have our guilty pleasures when it comes to fast food. But if you can’t wait till you get home to rip into your XXL 4-stack all beef patty burger loaded with bacon and processed cheese then you might want to rearrange your meal schedule. Digging for that lone fry that fell between your seat or picking that greasy pickle off your sweater can likely lead to an unwanted collision and a face full of burger. Not like that wouldn’t have happened sans collision.

2. The ‘I Am Talking To Very Important People Because I Am A Very Important Person’ Driver

Otherwise known as a life support system for many Americans, the cell phone has become a monster of the worst kind. It literally sucks the weak into its little screen and never, ever lets go. You will find all people, young and old, man and woman, checking their email, texting, even watching Youtube videos on their cell phone when they should be focusing on the road. Needless to say it can lead to problems…

3. The ‘My Kid (Or Dog) Is So Cute Look They Can Drive’ Driver

Listen parents and dog owners everywhere: We realize you think it’s just darling when you put Junior or Fido behind the wheel and snap a picture to show your disinterested co-workers and family members. But please do everyone else a favor and do it with the car in park, preferably in a garage with the door closed and locked. Other drivers won’t think it’s cute when you become distracted with how adorable Junior and/or Fido are and smack into their rear end with your bumper.

By K. Fitty Ditty

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