That scene of carnage took place at the Russo-Steele auction grounds in Scottsdale, Arizona last Thursday. An estimated $1.5 million in damage was reported after a severe storm struck down a protective tent hovering over the collection of classic cars about to be sold at the auction. About 600 cars were damaged and about 600 owners were enraged to the point of declaring war on Mother Nature herself.

“I CONSIDER THIS THE FIRST SHOT IN THE WAR,” raged classic car owner, Dale Gribbum. “THAT BITCH HAS HAD IT COMIN’ FOR A LONG TIME BUT NOBODY HAS HAD THE GONADS TO STAND UP AND FIGHT BACK UNTIL NOW! DALE GRIBBUM DON’T LET NOBODY MESS WITH HIS PRIDE AND JOY!”

Gribbum added that he plans to fire back by dumping a vat of poison into the lake bordering his town and setting fire to the wooded area surrounding his home.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 12% [?]

Sit back and let your mind drift to a not-so-distant past where the smell of freshly cut grass and sound of children playing radiated through the sun-soaked streets of the neighborhood you grew up in as a child. School was out and the only worry you had was when the ice cream truck would makes its rounds through your area each day and whether or not you would be able to pinpoint its location based on that familiar little jingle.

The pleasant little tune playing from a Good Humor truck plastered with tantalizing pictures of the sweet and refreshingly cold treats held within is something we can all smile about.

This, however, is a different story:

A pedophile driving around in a conversion van playing a tune possibly composed on Satan’s Casio is not where you want your kids getting their summer ice cream from. You know, with Hollywood’s inclination in remaking (and butchering) every classic horror movie ever made how about an original idea for once.

The Ice Cream Man: “He’ll Make You Scream For Ice Cream!”

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 9% [?]

News out of America’s heartland (Ohio) today: A 48-year-old man by the name of Randy Sipple was charged with something known as “wanton endangerment” when he threw a pick axe through a woman’s window.

This is Randy:

And this is what ‘ol Randy did:

Now, we’ve all experienced road rage in one form another. Some of us let it out in the form of a middle finger and some of us even go as far as to ride the offender’s bumper or cut the offender off. But if you can wake up in the morning and see yourself getting so angry on the road that you THROW a PICK AXE through another person’s window then you should probably stay home that day and watch Family Matters re-runs to remedy your mood.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 7% [?]

Let’s say you have $400,000 in American dollars and you want to buy an automobile that costs $400,000 in American dollars. Done deal, right? Not if that $400,000 car you want to buy is the new Lexus LFA.

Despite lagging sales and several nagging safety recalls, Toyota has thrown quite a bit of their eggs into the Lexus LFA basket by making prospective buyers commit to a “coolness test”, more or less.

“We want people who will drive the car, who will be seen in the car,” said Paul Williamson, national manager at Lexus College, Toyota’s dealer training school. “We want it to be seen on the right roads, in front of the right restaurants and not just being enjoyed by one individual in their private garage.”

Lexus plans to manufacture just 500 of these at the rate of about 20 per month so one could make the argument that this is just Lexus attempting to make the most out of their efforts by indirectly marketing the car, and in turn, the Lexus brand to only those who attend the highest scale restaurants, night clubs, and other events of the rich and important.

Then again you can also make the case that Lexus should be focusing their efforts on their middle-of-the-road luxury sedans which are attainable by a much larger portion of the population.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 28% [?]

We won’t blame you for guessing the latter but believe it or not it’s the new Volkswagen Compact Coupe which was unveiled at the 2010 North American International Auto Show in Detroit, Michigan this week. The presentation was something of a mash-up between an American Idol concert and a Gap commercial. Kind of odd when it’s all for a car that has a top notch safety record, gets 45 MPG, and was crafted under German excellence.

I mean, a car like this could sell if the display was made up of cotton balls glued to cardboard paper.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 10% [?]

For those who have always wanted to experience what it feels like to ride on the back of a dangerous land animal but never wanted to deal with the pesky business of being ripped apart limb from limb often associated with such an endeavor, there is now the Jaguar Motorcycle. Yes, a team of men have combined their brains and designed and executed a lifelike representation of a jaguar in motorcycle form. Video below:

And coming next year, the Bull Motorcycle:

No word yet on when development will begin on the Kitty Motorcycle.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 6% [?]

This guy is quite the professional. When he refers to the show he is about to put on with his 2007 Corvette Z06 as “smoky,” we doubt he intended it to be the result of a burnt out clutch. You get some degree of redemption watching this cocky Tim Allen wannabe perform a burning rubber fail and toast his clutch instead. A doubly nice touch is seeing the guy pop the trunk at first instead of the hood to inspect the damage he just inflicted on such a beautiful, beautiful automobile.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 6% [?]

The international driving community has plenty of options when it comes to their automobiles. When you think of countries known for their cars you think England, Japan, Germany, and Italy. Each country manufactures automobiles that reflect its culture, history, and quality of life. Let’s take a closer look at some of the flagship automakers representing the major automobile manufacturers of the world.

Japan’s Honda Motor Company, Ltd.

The premier automobile manufacturer of Japan, Honda makes automobiles that reflect the pragmatic nature of its country’s citizens. Hondas are known for their extreme efficiency in terms of gas mileage and quality engines that last for long periods of time with little or no problems.

Germany’s Bavarian Motor Works (BMW)

Once revered as the ultimate military power in the world, Germans are known for their intense pride and work ethic that show in just about anything they set out to do and automobile manufacturing is no exception. Along with Mercedes Benz, BMW represents Germany with its powerful and luxurious automobiles that are treasured in countries all over the world.

Italy’s Automobili Lamborghini, S.p.A.

Oftentimes overlooked as a force in international automobile manufacturing, Italy has pegged itself as the premier sports car manufacturer in the world. Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s, specifically, are revered by those all over the world who value flash over substance. Sure these high flying machines only seat two and do not have good gas mileage or test good for safety but they look great and can drive circles around just about any other car out there.

England’s Aston Martin Lagonda Limited

Martin, Aston Martin. The luxury automobile that specializes in sports cars is England’s claim to fame in the international automobile manufacturing game. In fact, its national icon, James Bond helms an Aston Martin in several of the classic 007 films. Yes, it truly is a car that represents the finer things in life, but don’t expect yours to come complete with heat seeking missiles like Mr. Bond’s.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 16% [?]

Everyone who has a driver’s license theoretically passed a driving test. A standard component of any driving test is parallel parking. However, before parallel parking most driving instructors will have you stop on a line and complete a Y-turn; two acts that are so simple a paraplegic could probably manage to successfully complete them. Now, those who successfully complete the stop on the line and Y-turn but then butcher parallel parking have successfully passed the parking section of the driving test. These wheel-bearing champions are now mercilessly unleashed on the driving community and have blessed us with the following examples of parking ineptitude.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 24% [?]

…is often shouted after it’s too late. Vandalism. It happens on the sides of public buildings and under highway overpasses and it also happens to cars. Yes, even your 1986 Ford Escort is susceptible to random acts of vandalism because for every vandal with a motive there are two vandals who destroy other people’s property for pleasure. If you do not have comprehensive coverage on your auto insurance policy then you will probably rip your hair out of your head when you learn that you have to pay to fix that broken window, slashed tire, or new paintjob of expletives and phallic symbols.

Here are some examples of vehicular vandalism (some personal, some not) that may make you think again about adding comprehensive coverage to your auto insurance policy.

By K. Fitty Ditty

Popularity: 38% [?]